Ok so me being a single mother dating is very new to me. Since I left college in 2005 I have been with the father of my kids for 5 years. So I really never had to experience being a single mother. Even though me and the father of my children aren't together today I’m still not considered a "typical" (single mother that doesn’t have any help from the father's children) single mother because their father is there. But one problem that I’m starting to be aware of is dating as a single mother. I can say it is different from dating when I was young without any children (defiantly easier..Lol). Over the past year of dating a few clowns, and speaking to either my brothers or male friends, I was told that it will be very rare w/ me having two children, any man will be interested in me SERIOUSLY (kind of semi disappointing news :( ). Another thing I had to be aware of is that being I have my own place, car, and got it going on((wink..lol))that a man will only be interested in me for what I have and how he can get by. So I have to have a special radar to detect the "users".
Now seeing that i live in Madison, WI, first majority of the black men date white women. Also Madison is a small town, so everyone has dated everyone. So its less likely to find many black single professional men that likes to date a black woman with one or more children..lol.
So even though I still do what I want and a little hardheaded at times I do still listen to the advice of my lovely male friends (very helpful indeed) and everyone knows I have a bad habit of reading too much into books (lol). So here are some tips/advice I will share to help the single mothers dating out....
1. A man will always be curious and wonder that there is someone out there better than you. It will be until he’s 30 when he will finally settle down and get with it. Even though you might just be the one he wants to marry he will still look at the other chick and wonder "what if". So ladies chill out don't rush it. (Advice from Latone Heart)
2. Never settle for less, a man will only take advantage of what you allow him to take advantage of.
Your kids see and hear a lot more than you think.
You have a lifetime to find love but your child's chilhood it only a short time and once its gone you can't get that time back.(Advice from Gershon Porter aka Sammy)
3. A man that really loves you rarely says "I love you" because he shows it more than he will say it. " I can admit I rarely tell my girl I love her but I have sent her flowers at random times"( Advice from Chen Cheng)
4. If a nigga can tell you within three days he loves you thats BS... that nigga is telling you exactly what you want to hear don't fall for it. ( Advice from Marquis Fort)
5. A man always wants something. ALWAYS. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: (1) if you're willing to sleep with him, and (2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him. Thats his mission.. (Advice from Steve Harvey-- Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man)
6. Treat him like a friend-- Negative attention is still attention. It lets a man know that he has you--right where he wants you. ( Tip from Sherry Argov--Why Men Love Bitches)
---FEEL FREE TO GIVE MORE ADVICE, ADD COMMENT BELOW---
I FOUND THIS VIDEO AFTER WRITING THE BLOG, IT MIGHT HELP..CHECK IT OUT.
I would like to say much respect to all the single mothers. This is a great article and I can agree with Brittany for the most part. I am a single black female with no children. I’m considerable cool, cute :-) finically stable and well educated. Yet, I have a harder time getting a man (let alone a husband) then women with kids who have similar qualities. From my personal observation, women with children are taken more seriously then women without kids. Men think women without kids have it ‘all together’. Or that we don’t need a man, or they figure… we don’t want to settle down. Lately I have noticed that women with kids are more likely to get married and stay in longer relationships. Why? Because men are more willing to be committed and work things out with there babies mothers. I guess the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side! LOL
ReplyDeleteAs far as the white women taking the good black men, that is a lie! Casue if the black men are soo good then why do they only want white women? So let them have em.
I enjoyed reading ya blog!
ebony queen.
Ok I agree a little. But being that I have been on both sides I can say yes, you are right when meeting a man, once we say " I got kids" either the man runs for the boarder or stays a little while just to get some. And we know majority of them are going to run, so we do have a better chance of narrowing it down to more serious men. But the hard part is dictating if those serious men aren’t a user, and have a less chance of finding men that potential ideal man.
ReplyDeleteI remember w/o kids’ girl I dated them real good men... like the college boys, football players, and professionals...list goes on. I mean I had it good. But now that I have kids those types of men aren’t really interested in dealing w/ women w/ kids... (Only exception is if you have a banging body/good looks). I had narrow my requirements/standards down drastically (can’t be picky anymore). Men that are now attracted to me are men that have no life, sell drugs, and live w/ they momma. Now it might be half my fault that I choose to speak to those guys (because I do see the good in all of them) but it just that I’m the same person but now different men are attracted to me.
So yea you might have it hard in narrowing down the most serious men. But at the same time it may look like we got the "all together" man but trust some of those men are doing it for a reason. “Men are more logical and women are more emotional, so don’t think a man isn’t in a relationship for nothing, they want something... There’s a reason behind every decision a man makes" Latone Heart
BrE, don't give up just yet! You should try BlendedCouples.com. All of the men on that site are single fathers. You get the added benefit of seeing how good of a father they are to their own child. Most are hard working men, looking for love, and tend to be more serious about finding a long term relationship. It's also free to join. Happy Mother's Day!
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